Local Psychopath Orders Seafood Sensation At Subway

A Footscray man has reportedly opted for a foot-long ‘Seafood Sensation’ at Subway today, shocking onlookers and causing public distress.

The man then reportedly further demonstrated his lack of humanity by requesting wheat bread and declining salt and pepper, a shaken witness told The Derby Times.

Despite the ambiguous contents and strange consistency of the filling, the man appeared to have no qualms in ordering the meal before reportedly consuming the whole thing.

Experts warn that this meal choice is an officially recognised symptom of psychopathology in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Illness* and wish to advise the public that should they witness family or friends make such a choice, they should call the police immediately on 000.


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